Staying Winter
by Totally Renegade
Summary: Donia reflects on her relationship with Keenan and finds that ice doesn't always have to melt in the sun. Song-fic to Sugarland's "Stay." One-shot wonder.


Donia lay back on her wintry bed, feeling the last of the warmth leave from where her summer lover had lain. He had come to her again, and again they had enjoyed that age old dance between man and woman. And again, he had to leave far too soon, to see to the demands of his court and his queen, leaving her with nothing but a too warm bed and too cold tears.

_I've been sitting here staring at the clock on the wall  
And I've been laying here praying, praying she won't call  
It's just another call from home  
And you'll get it and be gone and I'll be crying_

His queen. Aislinn, not Donia. Ash was the Summer Queen, the precious key of Keenan's power, his prophesied soul mate. Not Donia. She wasn't the one, never had been. Even her life as it was now, as Queen of the Winter-not Summer-Court, was a fluke, a lucky chance. If Seth hadn't found the strength to stab Beira with a pathetic iron trinket she would have died before she ever had a chance to withstand the Beira's cold. Even now, as Keenan's equal, she was not-and could never be-his only. She loved him, gods did she love him, so much it hurt, but her place was not at his side. Rightfully, unfairly, it was Aislinn's. They had their nights, their moments of unbridled passion, when duty and obligation were out of sight and out of mind. But they always came to an end and she was always left alone.

_And I'll be begging you, baby, beg you not to leave  
But I'll be left here waiting with my heart on my sleeve  
Oh, for the next time we'll be here  
Seems like a million years and I think I'm dying  
What do I have to do to make you see she can't love you like me? _

They both knew Aislinn would probably never love Keenan the way Donia did. It was the proverbial eight hundred pound gorilla in the room. Even if she succumbed to the passions of her court and the pain of loneliness that would continue to grow as Seth left each year to be with Sorcha, it would still never be the same. Keenan would never replace Seth in her heart, would never totally outshine his memory. Just as no other man would ever fully eclipse Keenan for Donia. There were times it was all she could do to bite her tongue against the desperate pleas for him to stay. The times between, when she saw them together as King and Queen, for politicking, for revelry, for everything but what she wanted, seemed liked painful eons before she was in his arms again and that was painfully short. She could never escape the vicious cycle of want and abandonment.

_Why don't you stay? I'm down on my knees  
I'm so tired of being lonely, don't I give you what you need?  
When she calls you to go, there is one thing you should know  
We don't have to live this way, baby, why don't you stay? Yeah_

It never stopped, hurting, forever being lonely. It was her lot in life, from the moment she met Keenan. She took up that staff and felt the freezing cold flow through her and she knew her one chance at forever being happy was gone. Long gone. It doomed her to fifty years of cold, want and loneliness. It froze her heart right where it had been when she touched the staff for Keenan's sake. Being queen had never really held much appeal, but for Keenan she would have done it, did it now, only in the wrong court. Aislinn had been appalled by the prospect of an immortal life as a fey. She hadn't wanted it, which may have been her salvation.

_You keep telling me, baby there will come a time  
When you will leave her arms and forever be in mine  
But I don't think that's the truth  
And I don't like being used and I'm tired of waiting  
It's too much pain to have to bear to love a man you have to share_

Her secret wish, her cherished dream was that one day she and Keenan could be together as more than sometimes-lovers, but it was hopeless. They could never be together, not the way she wanted anyways and she suspected that Keenan wanted it that way. Aislinn was his queen and his challenge, refusing to be more than friends and co-monarchs with him, resisting his summery charms in favor of Seth. In his pursuit of Aislinn, Donia had become his latest Summer Girl even though she was the Winter Queen. She borne Winter's Chill, survived the Winter Queen's ice, watched him approach girl after girl, and done her best to drive them away and nothing hurt as much as loving a man that she was forced to share. At least as the Winter Girl there had always been a small comfort that since his Summer Queen could not be her it was not any of the others either. All that changed with Aislinn.

_I can't take it any longer but my will is getting stronger  
And I think I know just what I have to do  
I can't waste another minute after all that I've put in it  
I've given you my best, why does she get the best of you?  
So next time you find you wanna leave her bed for mine _

Tears continued to drip from her eyes, freezing before they were off her face, crusting her eyelashes and cheeks in frost. The Christmas tune from her snowflake clock-a bit of a gag gift from Aislinn-on her night table snapped her out of her daze and she sat up. It was silly, but the thought of Christmas, the meaning of renewal, of life after death, of faith, higher powers and sacrifice, made her feel better. Stronger. It eased the pain in her heart and helped to strengthen her spirit. She knew she was worth more than this, stronger than this. This travesty of a love affair with Keenan was hers to stop. She didn't start it, but she could end it. No where did it say she had to suffer forever for the sake of a man she could never have.

_Why don't you stay? I'm up off my knees  
I'm so tired of being lonely, you can't give me what I need  
When she begs you not to go, there is one thing you should know  
I don't have to live this way, baby, why don't you stay? Yeah, oh_

She could wait. She could be strong. She would wait and be strong for the time when the right man came along, one that would respect her, love her, cherish her and rule with her. A partner, a lover, a friend-those are what she wanted. She wouldn't play second string anymore.

_I'm worth more than that. Move aside Keenan, it's my time in the sun. _

**So, this was inspired by spoilers for **_**Fragile Eternity**_**, **_**Wicked Lovely**_** and "Stay" by Sugarland. I thought these lyrics fit Donia perfectly, especially if she were to finally reject Keenan fully (he's not one of my favorite characters. Actually, a good chunk of the Summer Court gets on my nerves). Obviously the recommended song for this is "Stay" so you can read it concert with listening to the music. "Stay" is the intellectual property of Jennifer Nettles and Sugarland and the Faery Series belongs to Melissa Marr. Anyways, that's it, I hope you enjoyed it. Don't forget to review. **


End file.
